What's in Your Bag? Mine, superglue and a compost pail.

Lastest gift from the  city of Portlandia;

A compost pail.

Never mind the fact we already have a Recycle Bin, 

Glass Bin, 

Compost Bin 

and a 

Trash Bin (which is now picked up every other week, yes the Trash...)

What is a compost pail you ask?

Remember the show, "Little House on the Prairie" and their lunch pail that Laura and her sister would run down the hill with to her one room schoolhouse?

Yes, that's EXACTLY what the compost pail reminds me of and looks like, Laura's lunch pail.

And I bet she didn't use it for her lunch scraps.

Instructions per Portlandia; we are to place the compost pail on our kitchen counter to regularly empty leftover food scraps.  Never mind the fact if you have a dog, the compost pail should receive it.  

Meaning, Portlandia should receive it. 

And I have yet to use it.  

Or bring it in the house.

I just CAN'T.

Though as I passed by this car yesterday, I couldn't help but wonder if he/she uses his compost pail?

And, would he/she notice if I added MY compost pail to his "collection" on the car???

So, what's in your bag?

 I will tell you what's in mine. 

Wallet, CC, Jimmy Choo sunglasses, diaper, wipes and last but not least, 

superglue and a compost pail...

should I ever see this car again.

Smurfs Playing Soccer

Soccer season here in Portlandia is in full swing.

And my boys are liking it...

Though I must say, it hasn't started without a few minor, "I'd like to forget" events.

Game Day #1...

Thomas' game at 9AM. Location: Robert Grey Middle School.

Charlie's game at 10AM. Location: some Portlandia high school.

I Mapquest(ed) both locations and they are 15 minutes apart from each other.

And husband at hospital.

En route to Thomas game at 8:55 AM. "sh*t" I yell. I am lost. AGAIN.  Winding up one mountain and winding down another ain't my daily cup of tea. 15 minutes later, we finally arrive at destination only to see a huge soccer field split into 4 games and every single player is wearing the same blue uniform as my Thomas is.

Yes,
Every single player.

And not to mention the fact, they are all kindergartners.

As in they are the same size and height.

In fact, they all look like little smurfs running around.

Playing soccer.

My Thomas asks, "Mom, where is my team?"

Me, "It is the blue one, Thomas."

My Thomas as in duh, "They are all in blue mom."

And yes...they are.

But instead of finding his team, we take off to charlie's game since I was determined to have at least one child play his first soccer game.

 Only after agreeing to one of my worst nightmares, yes we can have McDonald's after Charlie's game, and yes we can play on the indoor playground.

We did...for four hours.

Tiger Mom would so not approve.

Game #2.

8:45AM, we exit the front door to game.  The boys stop suddenly in their tracks. 

"Mom, it's raining. No soccer." 

"Oh no dear, here in Portlandia, we play in the rain," I say.

They look at me as if I had all the sudden grown two heads.

I swap my bag of blankets, camera and sunscreen for umbrellas, raincoats, etc.

And yes, we are now running late. 

We come upon the field of blue smurfs running around again.  This time I am determined to find his team and I approach field # 1.  

"Is this coach riley's team?" 

No.

Field #2.

"Is this Coach Riley's team?"

No.

Field #3.

Is this Coach Riley's team?

No.

I am beginning to sound and feel like the confused baby bird in the "Are you my mother" book and goes everywhere from asking a cow to a steam shovel with the "big question."

Field #4.

Baby bird asks, "Is this coach riley's team..."

Yes.

Baby bird found her mother!

Thomas joins the team of smurfs playing soccer.

Green Cotton Candy?

It has been 5 weeks so far of us living here in Portlandia.

Yes, everything is beautiful and green here as is in the mountains, trees, parks and the people.

They wear clothes that are green and beige, of course, with lots of different green and beige shades to it.

On every billboard here in Portlandia promotes about how we can be more green (reuse, recycle, wear it again, make art out of it, compost, etc...).

Even Nordstroms gets it...

The vendors at the Farmer's Market were promoting its organic products; it is green, eat more greens....

I did not have a problem with this...

Yet my son, Charlie had a different thought in mind when surveying this booth with the knitted yarn caps hanging above, and then when he saw all of the yarn bundled in a plastic bag for sale...

He then turned to me and said very confidently, " Mom, that is definitely NOT Cotton Candy. "

To hike or bike, or throw the bike?

After of one month of living in Portlandia, I have come to realize a few things:

Y'all is completely unheard of
(and my accent...well, that's another story)

Beige is a color to describe clothes and has many shades to it

There are over 200 parks

And only seven outdoor swimming pools

And just to name a few activities Portlandia loves:

Hiking

Biking 

Biking and Hiking

The other day I piled up my three kids and headed off to a park.

Again.

This time we took CT's Razor Kobra bike, Thomas' Razor scooter and Elle's pink riding toy.  

And me, my feet in some stylish, though flat sandals.

After playing on the playground a while, the kids wanted to ride on the asphalt roads through Washington Park.

Not a problem. 

Off we go.

Then they wanted to ride on the dirt trails. 

Not a problem. 

Then they wanted to go up the dirt trails on the side of the mountain. 

Again, not a problem and I choose a relatively easy (not too steep) one. 

And yes, we carried all of our equipment.
As in, I carried Elle and her riding toy while the boys carried their own.

We all safely made it to the top, equipment and all.

In front of us was a much steeper trail going up the side of the mountain.

The boys sped off on their bikes and scooters towards it and up the trail.

Halfway up that one, CT decides he can't push his Razor Kobra bike up any further.
Can't blame him since it is 30.95 lbs and he weighs 53 lbs...

I take the Razor Kobra.
I now have Elle, her pink riding toy and now CT's 30.95 lbs bike.

At this point, I am frustrated. I am hating myself for agreeing to "hike."
I am hating all of our "equipment."

And I am hating CT's Razor Kobra bike that weighs 30.95 lbs.

So, I hastily set Elle down with her pink riding toy.

I then pick up the Razor Kobra 30.95 lbs bike and throw it off the cliff.

The boys look at me with shock on their face.

I sweetly tell them, "Don't worry, we will be back for it."

Satisfied with the answer, we all continued our hike up the steep hill.

As we all FINALLY reached the top minus one equipment, I turned to my boys and said in a very sweet but firm voice, "Mommy is DONE hiking...D.O.N.E."

Surprisingly they both wholeheartedly agreed...as in no argument or backtalk from them.

The Razor Kobra bike survived the throw off the cliff...

And yes, that is Spiderman, age 5 1/2...in a size 3T costume.

Neighbors

2 weeks in and we are somewhat adjusting to our new city Portland but not without experiencing the cultural differences.  

Why? You ask?

My neighbor.

Don't get me wrong, she is nice and has two kids, one girl, 11 and one boy who is Thomas' age.

Her house is fabulous, interior and exterior.

Her backyard has a great swingset surrounded by a chicken coup that is a home to 3 live chickens and my kids love to play in it.

Yes, both swingset and chicken coup.

And our cat, Flav has picked out his spot...on top of the chicken coup, eyes always on the chickens and his tail wagging gently back and forth.

She has two dogs.

One is named "Jerry Garcia"

The other is "Betty Ford."

Both are dead.

(the people, that is)

I asked what she did for a living.

She replied, "I work for Bob Marley."

Red Hot Chili Peppers immediately came to mind,
Bob Marley poet and a prophet
Bob Marley taught me how to off it
Bob Marley walkin' like he talk it
Goodness me can't you see I'm gonna cough it
(Give it Away)

And yes, he's dead too.

No further questions.

Then her daughter gave my Elle her Barbie to take home for the night.

Yes...that is her. No torso. No legs. Just one arm. 

I had no further questions...

Creme de la Creme

A month ago it was a whole jar of vaseline.

Two weeks ago it was a 10 ounce jar of Bags Balm.

A few days later, it was a jar of MY favorite conditioner...

you know the one that you use so sparingly so it would last a awhile PLUS is screwed on tight so no one would get into it...

Well...

Little Miss Elle had a different idea...

And what did I do?

Wiped the conditioner right off her body and placed it all back in the jar.

Then she gave me this smile which of course, melted my heart...

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Do you remember some things you as a child used to do to your mom that drove her nuts? Seems like it is payback time for some of us moms....and I wouldn't have it any other way! Again, Happy Mother's Day!!!

Bag Balm

8-Hydroxyquinoline Sulfate 0.3% (Antiseptic) In A Petrolatum And Lanolin Base.for chapped conditions and superficial abrasions . Salve originally intended to soothe irritation on cows udders. It is used as a treatment for chapped and irritated skin on humans and can be found in drug stores and farm stores. 

One warning: 
DO NOT PUT IN HAIR.

Too bad since Elle cannot read.


As that is exactly what she did with the ENTIRE 10 ounce jar the night before Easter Sunday.

Telephone

Ah...gotta love phone options these days:

Back then it was:

Rotary Dial or Touch tone Phone.
No Answer or Busy Signal.
Answer. Chat. Hang Up.
That was pretty much it.

Now it is Cell/Landline/Computer.
The love/hate Caller ID

To Answer or Ignore?
(they can't tell...or can they?)

Chat.
 Flash.
 Mute. 
Text.

Face Time.  IM.  BBM.  Skype
And it does go on and on, yes?

A recent morning:
(not always my dear mother whom I love calling but was in this story and yes, I told her I was going to post this...)

As my phone rang the other morning promptly at 8 AM, I glanced down to see who it was and immediately clicked:

"Ignore."

I will chat with my mother later, I thought as I was frantically getting all 3 kids dressed and failing, ready for school as I wanted my oldest to be there seconds before the 2nd bell rang.

Why 2nd bell?

1st bell...pas possible.

8:45 AM, she calls again.

"Ignore, "

As I hit for the second time which I've just dropped off my oldest child at school (seconds before 2nd bell) and head back home to get my middle child dressed as he refused to earlier since he really wanted to be in costume and all...

See why 2nd bell is much more attainable for us...

And not to mention my pajama wearing, pneumonia stricken, snot faced 2 year old girl, whom was howling in the backseat.

As I'm silently congratulating myself for continuing my progress of breaking free of co-dependency upon others such as my parents, I then get this text from my mom;

"Call me back ASAP please."

All before 9 A.M.

Panic begins and my mind races, "Who died? Hospitalized? Gossip?"

What, what, what?

I must know!

I immediately call my mother back

at 8:46 A.M.

"Hey mom! what is up?" trying to sound nonchalant.

"Dahlin'...
I've just bought Elle the most precious three dresses. You must go online and browse through them and let me know what you think."

Yet:

It sometimes seems to be at these times we are not most thankful for those who are always thinking of us....though we should be and yet, at the end of the day, we are always thinking of that one person...

Who do you think briefly of in the morning but yet mainly who is really the one you think of at the end of the day?

To break up or not?

Early this AM, well okay, 8 AM but still it was early for me when I had a much needed highlight appointment with my hairsylist.  He is not only good eye candy (a plus), but a fabulous hair color, cut and wash guy yet I went to someone different last time. 

Why?

 Maybe I was in a hairstyle rut, or just wanted to see "who" else was out there but now am happily back to my regular hairstylist.  

As we gave each other a hug and he took my starbucks so I could put my smock on, he then asked if I drive a SUV?  

I said, "why yes.  A black one." 

He said, "I KNEW it was you when passing you in the Starbucks parking lot the other day.  I wanted to honk, but thought, nah...she may not recognize me."

 That brings me to 5 reasons you should consider keeping your hairstylist if considering a change: 

Reason#5

Always happy to see me!

 If he had seen me and I had "broken up with him", what to expect?  Surely it would not be a hello.

Reason #4

He/she shouldn't and probably won't ever lie to you.  

Reason #3

You will always end up feeling fabulous...even if you walk out with a mullet complete with a rat tail.

Reason #2

If you've know him/her long enough, they give you the juiciest gossip of the town...

Reason #1.

He/she is also your therapist. Knows most or ALL of your secrets...

How long have you been with your favorite hairstylist? Or are you secretly breaking up with yours by going to another one...? Is your hairstylist also your therapist?

Elle

Two years ago, this day I was taken to the hospital for contractions, not quite intense but unusual. The nurse came back with the results that indeed my water had broken. 

YES!!!

As I was done with carrying the hot air balloon in my stomach.

This was mid morning, Febuary 5th. As my mother heard that I was going to have scheduled c-section that day, she looked at me, "Honey...don't you think you could hold out a few hours so she and Mark could have the same birthday," as his birthday is Febuary 6th. 

If only looks could kill...

That day, Elle made her dramatic entry into my world, 5 weeks early at 7 lbs 11 ounces.

Life has not been the same since then.

She's fabulous. She's lovebale. She's sweet. She's snuggleable. 

But then there are times when she's devilish...temper tantrum thrower. 

But all I know is when I look at her in times when I'm upset and then gives me that smile of hers, my heart just melts!

Happy Birthday Elle!  Love you tons!

Ladrones! Ladrones! Ladrones!

My husband likes to stay on path.

I like to take the off beaten path.

I convinced him one time to accompany me on one of my off beaten path exercusions in Buenos Aires.

We randomly ventured into an area called "La Boca."

As Mark's pace quickened, a cab then squealed by, slammed on its breaks and yelled for us to get in.

"ladrones! ladrones! ladrones!"

"Ladrones?" Mark asked and looked the word up on his blackberry.

Robbers! Thieves! 

Cab driver took us back into the safer neighborhoods. Mark then pulled out his map.

We went to this museum:

Armas de la Nacion Mueseum.

Did he want guns for the robbers? Thieves? 

Or Me???

Nah, I am still here!  And he gave me a map which of course I misplaced...

Do you like to follow the map? Do you prefer everything black and white?  Or do you like to venture off path and see what life has to offer you?

Eccentrics

It is the eccentric habits of my children that can either drive me crazy one day and amuse me the next.

Had I known when registering my wedding china ages ago, that my future child Thomas
would require 4 knives when I make his peanut butter honey sandwich. 

One knife for spreading the peanut butter. 

One knife for spreading the honey. 

One knife for cutting the crusts off. 

The final knife for cutting the sandwich into two triangles.

And if he wants another sandwich, no problem. 

Just get me 4 more clean knives.

Elle requires 2 spoons for each cup of yogurt. 

If she wants another cup, that's 4 spoons.

Or even the occasional occasion as Thomas requires two spoons for his ice cream:

I wish I had known this when registering for wedding china and silverware. Instead of 12 place settings each of Wedgewood, Lynn Chase and Haviland and the fancy silverware, I instead would have chosen a lifetime supply of the unbreakable, tacky, cannot believe parents buy it; Sponge Bob, Dora, Superfriends, Batman, Cinderella plates, cups and flatware etc.  I am proud to say I have a drawer and cabinet full of them.

Like I said, had I known back then what I know now... 

The Toothbrush

If I were smart, I'd invest some stock in toothbrush companies. 

Or, better yet, I really should take our paycheck and have it directly deposited into Colgate Co. 

You see, Elle has an infatuation with toothbrushes. She uses it to brush her 5 baby teeth at least 10 times a day. She walks around the house with it and drops it off in her most convenient spot whether the kitchen, bottom step or even in some random corner. But what has really gotten to me or shall I say my husband, her latest use of it, which is dipping it into the toilet bowl. 

Laughingly, I told my husband this and you know he did not think it was so funny.

So what has he done?

After each use, he places the toothbrush on the "out of kid's reach" high shelf, next to the sink, in the bathroom.

But that's not good enough for him.

He has placed it on the shaving cream can which is located on the "out of kid's reach" high shelf, next to the sink, in the bathroom.

"Still, not good enough," he thought.

So now, he has it turned right side up some days or facing down other days on the shaving cream can, which is still located on the "out of kid's reach" high shelf, next to the sink, in the bathroom.

And if it looks like it has been touched or even moved, toothbrush goes directly into the trash can. 

Any other toothbrush companies I shall look into besides Colgate?

Undomestic Housewife

I am the most undomestic housewife. 

 Even my six year old recently surveyed our bedroom filled with clothes and one spoon, said "Mom and Elle have just been up here." My husband asked, "How do you know?" "There are clothes all over the bed and the floor and yes, one spoon. Mom threw the clothes everywhere and Elle, of course had the spoon."

Convinced? 

Ideally, my New Year's Resolutions should be the following:

1. Be a Neat Domestic Housewife

My children would say, "YEEESSS!"

2. Be a Chef

In their dreams:

3. Match all pairs of socks and put them in respectable place

No possible picture for this...

Instead, I am going to focus on the three which I know I am good at:

1. Laugh.

2. Love.
As we love our neighbor, Chase and saying "Goodnight" to her:

And:

3. Enjoy.

Happy New Year to you all!

(by the way, the boys bedroom is now clean)

Fetch!

Elle is drama. 

There I've said it. 

And I mean it. 

Many days I find myself sending texts to one of my friends who also has not one but two drama girls, asking "How do you survive?" And yesterday was no different as I sent her this text, "Didn't you say once that all C does is cry and want to be held? How did you handle it? I'm losing it with Elle and you know it takes a lot to make me lose it."

Her response:

"Oh my, yes. Ignore her."

2 seconds later, another text:

"Drink."

Followed by:

"Move here." 

A few more:

"She is my stalker."

"Praise her 30 times a day even for little things."

Last but not least,


 "Play human fetch. Throw a ball and make her go get it."


Hmmmmmm.....

"ELLE, GO FETCH!!!"

Nuts? Oui ou non?

My husband thinks I am nuts. I first agreed with him but then I looked at my life and thought, "I am not nuts, it is my life that is nuts!"

3 kids under 6 1/2 years, husband traveling all through this December and January for interviews, moving to a new city in June yet we don't know which and when we will find out. And he's still on call/working 80+++ hours a week.  

No family in town.  

A broken window by the boys playing ball at 7:30 in the morning. A broken shower rod also when they thought they were super heroes that could fly. That is just the beginning.

We moved here from Nashville with 12 big plates, 12 small plates and 12 bowls. We now have 9 big plates, 7 small plates and 3 bowls left. As for silverware, I have since lost count which I know Elle has thrown away most of it.  Just caught her too late. 

A constant search each morning for clean matched pair of socks and of course, Thomas' other shoe. And now that it is cold, Thomas runs out with mismatched socks, one shoe on and mismatched gloves...no coat and no hat which he refuses to wear yet he is constantly requesting a scarf.  Yes my life is nuts. 

Would you look at me strangely if you noticed my child walking around like this.....

Don't worry, I would not either!  Is your life nuts too?  What do you do to remind you of the purpose of it all?  Breathe?  Pray? Meditate? Or just continue on...?

Super Mom or Super Fantasy?

My three kids think I am super mom.  I will let them live in that fantasy world as long as they wish.

I know I have super kids. Sometimes I don't think so but I do know when I peek on them during the night I forget all the upsetting or screaming moments.  Or when I come across a super picture:

Or such the time when after my doctors appointment, I took a detour with my son Thomas and went driving through Bison state park.  I was so convinced I was going to win "Cool Mom of the Year" award for that and letting him sit on my lap, mastering the steering wheel.  My ego was quickly deflated a few minutes later as I backed into two old ladies at a major intersection, ripping a hole into her car.  I hopped out, said "I'm so sorry, pull over and I will give you my insurance information." The old lady took a long drag of her Virginia Slims, picked up the piece of her car and said, "Don't worry, no problem." She then sped off. 

Super Mom? hell yeah!

Why So Serious, Son?

A dear friend of mine has a family member that is in the hospital, and it is in times like these that we seem to reflect back on ones life.  We wonder if we are truly happy.  We wonder if we are making the right choices, parenting the right ways, maybe even living the healthiest lifestyle we can. 

Life is short.

I have regrets. I've hopefully learned from my regrets. I want to teach my kids what I've learned (regrets and not) that I deem valuable and apply those traits to their lifestyle. I hope they will take it and pass it down to the next generation. 

I love to laugh. 

Laughter is the best medicine.  I think personality is most important. 

As the infamous joker said in the movie Batman, "Why So Serious, Son?"

What will you laugh at today? Why traits will you hopefully pass down to next generation? Who will you tell that you love them? 

I Dare Ya!

Yesterday I was convinced Halloween was created to drive us parents crazy. "Candy!" "More" "No more candy" tantrums thrown "One more piece" "If you get into the car now, I will give you one more piece of candy," I found myself saying frequently the past few days. Today, as my oldest son asked me for what it seemed like the 100th time, "Mom, you ARE going to wear your costume tonight, aren't you?" Never mind the fact that I was Star Wars Padme Amidala last night at a party in an all white bodysuit, belt and gun complete with white high heeled boots which was hardly noticeable in the sea of costume crazed adults but walking down Main Street with my kids in dusk hours? "Yes, Charlie, of course I am wearing my costume." Then he turned to daddy, "Daddy, are you wearing your costume too?" I quickly and happily replied for him while trying not to laugh as he was Star Wars Chewbacca in full costume gear, mask and all, "Of course he is!"
So today, I find myself thinking we should have more days like Halloween, days when we can relax some of our responsibilities as adults while dressing in costume gear with the children and of course, consume all the candy without a single feel of guilt. We would all be happier, more free and perhaps have a sparkle in our eyes...as our kids constantly do.
Who knows? Maybe I will show up on your doorstep with my own Trick or Treat Bag. Will you? I dare ya!

4 + 2 = 6

It is only 2 PM yet it feels like I've taken on world war III, fought it and still do not know the outcome. The day started off normal as I jumped out of bed 10 minutes to 8, threw clothes on, yell at kids to throw their clothes on, feed them breakfast and run everyone out to the car at 8:35 to drive them to school. I drop Charlie off, who was very excited since Cardinals "Red Bird" was coming to his school today. 10 minutes later, I drop my social Thomas off at his preschool and then head home to greet the housekeepers. Standing in my messy house, I tell her that my neighbor is so excited they are cleaning their house for the first time. She replies, "Yes, I know since she called me last night." I then tell her, trying to make up for our messy house, "They are much much neater than us," in which she to my chagrinned horror replied, "Yes I know." The phone rings, it is Thomas' preschool calling to inform me that the workers had to cut the power off in their school to remove the tree that fell last night during the huge storm. It is now 9:20 AM...his school starts at 9 AM. 15 minutes later, in the car with what it was supposed to be a day with one kid but now is two, I head to the vet to discuss the situation of our 13 year old dog, Jake. 1000s of tears, one whole box of kleenex and a set appointment to put him down, I leave the vet to go home and try to resume somewhat normal day activities. I feed kids lunch after arguing with Thomas why he may not have four kit kats for lunch but has to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich, I then put Elle down for a nap. 30 minutes later and Elle still not napping but crying, the housekeeper comes over from neighbors house to tell me that they cannot get their dog, Maddie back into the house. I go over to try to get her inside which I failed at so I check to see that she has her invisible fence collar on and decide she's fine in the front yard for a bit. Back in my house, still trying to get Elle to take a nap, I hear Maddie barking but it wasn't the barking that was bothering me, it was how close by it sounded. Either her collar was not "on" or she had bolted through the invisible fence in her yard, but it doesn't matter because she was now standing at our front doorstep. "Ah, she wanted more fruit loops as I let her eat what it seems like 1000s on our dining room floor the other day," I thought trying to see some humor in this day. So now, as it was supposed to be Elle, Jake, Flav (our cat) and I day it was now Elle, Thomas, Jake, Flav, Maddie and I day. Maddie bolts into the house, runs into the dining room only to stop when she sees no fruit loops. She then runs upstairs to Elle's room which I chase after her, get her out, gate the room off because she was trying to get to our black, male cat, "Flavor Flav" whom was hiding for his dear life under Elle's bed. Like I said, "It is only 2 PM..."